So today was D-day...I went to hell (Kilruddery Estate in County Wicklow)..and made it
back alive - barely.
A couple of weeks back my brother-in-law encouraged me to sign up to
'Hell and Back' - Ireland's toughest 10km. And today was the day. I couldn't be
happier that I took part, however, my knees, joints and back would highly
disagree.
Satan's run began with a splash into a pit of water cold enough to
shrivel any man's proof of masculinity. This was followed by a struggle to get
out of the pit, which was then followed by a lengthy run. My big toe literally
felt as though it had frozen istantly, however, I persevered and ran on with my
ice block trainers. Despite the cold feet, I was feeling suspiciously good,
running as though I had endured plenty of adequate training prior to the actual
race. Happy days. And then came ‘little’ Sugar Loaf Mountain.
As if peering up at the top of this mini-Everest was not painful
enough...the pain in my calves also began to increase...rapidly, with leg
strength declining at a similar pace. As I tried to squeeze the last of my
energy gel into my mouth (with copious amounts of mud) and the gap between my
team mates and I slowly increased, my motivation levels took a dip. Why am I
doing this? I hate running! I don't want to be here. Shut up! But the mountain
kept coming! I buried my pride and took to walking, which evidently was much
easier, and faster! I reached the top. Glorious! Now to get back down...which
was actually much scarier. I had little control over my feet which were accelerating
at what seemed like the speed of light - yet people were still passing me! A
few taps on the back from fellow contestants and I was on my way - feeling
spritely again with a renewed sense of energy..this is fun! (The little energy
gel pack may have also aided this.)
I made it to the next obstacle - climbing back uphill, under a net
(which made numerous attempts to steal my pony tail). People are stopping! What
are you doing? I have renewed energy - get out of my way! I reached the top.
Next! Sandbags on shoulders - back up the hill. Go! Thank God for circuit
training. And back down the hill.
More running and more downhill running. I pass a couple of people, a
couple of people pass me. Keep running. I am then met with what they call
'Satan's Pit', a positively lovely name for a pit. I clambered over a shuck
filled with tyres (and rather gracefully if you ask me). I then meet a six foot
fence, similarly to how a Shetland pony might meet a garden wall - with a large
yelp. But again, I surprise myself, take hold of the rope and leap to the
top...where I sit admiring the view until a steward yells at me to hurry it up.
I slide down the back of the fence like bird poop on a
car windscreen. And off I go! Leaping (stumbling) over holes and wading
(crying) through more icey, muddy water. The next fence, I run at like a thoroughbred...and
bounce off it like a beach ball. My fellow contestants to my rescue again! Pulling
me to the top of the fence and helping me down the other side - happy and
motivated once more. More running.
Through the forest I go, dodging knee deep muddy puddles as though I’ve
a grudge against Peppa Pig. I'm feeling good as I approach the river crossing. Giving
Tarzan a run for his money, I grip a rope and make my way across the river, and
back, and across again. Freezing. But I continue and finally reach 'The Swamp'
(Peppa has her day). The first half of the swamp goes swimmingly, however, the
remaining half is plagued by bad decisions. Instead of patiently following the
pathlike, shallow mud I decide to follow a couple of lads right trough the
middle of the swamp, possibly adding minutes to my time as I try to suck my
body out of the hoover-like sludge (Peppa is clearly laughing at me now). With
help from my new comrades, we climb the ladder-like fence and continue the run.
I must be nearly finished. I can hear the music at the finish line
getting closer. I feel like Rocky when he realises he is going to beat Ivan
Drago. But still I am running. Boom. Another obstacle.
I crouch under the barbed wire and start wriggling to the other end.
This isn't so bad, although my hands are getting colder in the surprisingly
icey mud and my already bloodied knees are taking a beating from stones and
other sharp materials camouflaged within the mud. Ouch. Ouch. OUCH. Is this
finished yet? The lads keep me going and as I slowly, and carefully, get to my
feet, I notice the ‘Shock of Horrors’ approaching. I make a run for it and
sprint (and slide) through the electrically charged obstacle. I reach the other
end! I’m alive! Great..another six foot fence...but no rope! Again, I rely on the
help of my new comrades who help me overcome one of the last obstacles.
I keep running, leaping over holes and slipping down slopes and as I
conquer the last ditch...I hear my brother-in-law and the rest of our 'team'.
I'm nearly home! Run. Run. Run! I hurdle the haystacks and dive into the mud
and water filled skips (thanking the Lord for the numerous runners who have
gone before me, subsequently forcing much of the brown stained water out). I
leap onto another haystack and as I hear my brother-in-law shout my name my
right foot shoots down a break in the hay. My right leg is nowhere to be seen.
“Come on Órla!” Let’s go! Out I pounce and away I go, limping over the finish
line – I made it to Hell and Back...Alive!
So who's joining us for the next one?